September 11, 2011

by ashwinia

“You stride into the day with fiery drive, swelter it through long distances and as you droop your way home, I await you quietly with diamond-studded blue velvet to tuck you in, precious. I kiss the heat away and drape you with a soothing warmth that’d ward off the chill. I whisper a lullaby but the wind floats away with it, leaving a tingly hum lingering still, all along its way home. I kiss your closed eyes and watch you from a distance. I hide before you rise, for my love for you, you should never know about, lest the beauty be lost. This veiled love is so certain, stubborn, I couldn’t leave if I tried. But you and I can together never be; for you’re the Sun and I’m the Moon and this love is hidden in the blackness of the night you’ll never see.” I say it aloud, but Andre cannot hear me. Every time I say anything to him, somewhere deep inside me, something beats hard hoping rationale would fail the world for a second and my words would reach him, caress him. But logic always beats the crap out of everything else. Today he’s sound asleep; and the impossibility doubles. I wonder if impossibility has magnitude but immediately drive out the useless thought. I watch him sleep; his breath is soft, his hair, messy just like I remember it. He looks peaceful, like’s he’s smiling at something far away. Is he dreaming about me? I’d never know. Either way, he looks gorgeous. I could watch him forever, but I look at him one last time and I glide away softly, thinking to myself – Andre’d never know that my nights have been no different than the ones before that day that arrived too soon for many, much before its time. Thinking this, I vanish… out of the room… into someplace far away beyond space and time…into the abstract.